Who Knew Hot Guys Got The Blues?

If ever I thought the Internet was an entity - which lives and thinks and acts - it's lately. Sometimes it's like the Internet is reading my mind, waiting until I know what I want before sending me just what it is I'm looking for.

While sitting here, wallowing in my own (let's face it) homemade self-pity, I have happened upon at least two guys - both my fellow bloggers - who, in some ways, have it worse than me, despite being everything I'm not. Why? But more to the point: WHY???

Because self-loathing is as prevalent on this planet as the stench of nitrogen, that's why. It seems that everybody has to feel bad for themselves or else the entire economy will collapse. Western Civilisation, after all, is based on consumerism. Oh, and Christian hatred.

Now I get why I have to feel bad for myself. After all, I am nominally homo despite being a) too old to be gay (which ends at age 24), b) too fat to be gay (damn my double digit BMI), and c) ugly (the gay cardinal sin) due to a minor birth defect which makes my mouth look like I've had a stroke - which is not a good look to begin with, and an even worse look on a giant Charlie Brown head.

Even if I should occasionally come up with a half-ways decent day (typically by accident), there's always some mirror and/or loudmouthed bitch ready to remind me why my self-esteem (and only mine) is verboten. For this reason, I tend to keep the good moods well-concealed behind a facade of bitterness and cynicism which is utterly rococo.

These guys are Library Muscle Guy and to an even greater extent Gay Canuck in the Capital. Now, I'm not denigrating anyone's legitimate right to have issues, or to be unhappy. After all, people are abused, told they're worthless, and generally spat upon every day of their lives - gay men especially - so some of it's bound to sink in.

I like these guys, despite the fact that if they were standing in front of me I'd not only refuse to talk to them but probably run screaming from their presence. I like that they are, like I am, using their blogs to get to the bottom of their yuck. I mean, how can you not admire that? If only from afar.

I guess it's just that I have nothing in common with them, despite our similarities. Reading their work, though, forces me to empathize, which is more than a little confusing. How, after all, can I empathize with a guy who can't choose which of the many men who are hot for him to go out with? To the best of my knowledge, I've never even had two guys who liked me simultaneously, and for the last five years not even one.

It does put my own self-loathing into perspective, though. Oh, don't get me wrong: I still feel my self-loathing is far more deserved (since I've always had multiple men loathe me as a troll, even when I was young and thin and still had a hairstyle). Maybe those guys were making themselves feel better by tearing me down. Maybe they were afraid of what the world holds for them when they become the thing they despise the most - namely me.

For what it's worth, guys, thanks for the thought that I'm not alone, even when I am.